Wavy Alabaster

Hi.

Welcome to my open journal. Read, sip and stay awhile. Cheers.

wave of change

wave of change

The real-world grind can confine a spirit. 

It comes knocking and you try to find the profession that supports every day, real responsibilities while incorporating your passions.  You know it exists.  It has to.  Acquiring this mystical union of fulfilling one’s heart and wallet has proven effortlessly for some. For me, it has been a bit more challenging.

Photo by Jenn Ott

There are countless times I wished for the straightforward mindset:  a job is just a job.  You clock in, take lunch, you clock out. That’s it…. nothing more. Work doesn’t travel home, it remains in the cubicle. It doesn’t need to make you happy all the time; it needs to pay the bills, occasional vacation, and the latest trend you will be wearing all summer long (hello culottes! Yes, no longer an unflattering pant length only worn by your grandma.)  It doesn’t need to give you this great purpose in life; it needs to support what gives you purpose in life.

Everything in my life is connected.  As much as I have tried to separate work life from personal life, I cannot master this skill.  It is just not in me.  For six years after leaving the land of college, I exhausted myself in the sports industry, from working with a professional football team to providing sports marketing consultation and activation for large corporations. I thought this separation of work and personal life would occur naturally the older and, dare I say, wiser I became.  I forced it at times, but this feeling or quality would only develop naturally at its own pace, or would it? I am pushing the dirty thirty and it hasn’t yet. I am not old, but I am old enough to know concrete findings about myself. And what I came to realize was the stress and workload never left my chest. It followed me home. The unfavorable change in my physical and mental state became increasing noticeable to those around me; it just took me longer to realize.

Some may say just man up, the real world is hard. Some may say I just wasn’t tough enough, it’s work for a reason anyway. I SAY… I wasn’t my optimum self. Let’s not make this dramatic.  I don’t want to whine about it. Navigating the sports industry led me here. It is what brought my creative self to the surface and for that I am forever grateful. I accomplished incredible things. I met and worked with even more incredible people. I had life-defining moments that made me better. Nonetheless, it was time to walk away.  

Photo by Tara Wotus

Photo by Jenn Otter

I want my path in life to be fluent, with its ebbs and flows of course, but fluent nonetheless, one, continuous wave. I need value and meaning on a daily basis and I don’t want to sacrifice that from 9am-5pm, Monday through Friday.  I want to do something in life that makes me happy more often than not.  I want to be inspired, challenged, ignited.  I want this path to feed and nourish every facet of myself, even if those facets don’t make sense when pieced together. 

A pivotal quote from Erin Brockovich sums it up perfectly, “Not Personal? That is my work, my sweat, and my time away from my kids! If that is not personal, I don’t know what is!” There are no kids in my life yet, but substitute the word “kids” with spouse, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, family, friends, pet, whatever and the impact of this quote still rings true.

With this recognition, I made a drastic, puzzling-to-others, “what the …,” decision. I left the career I earned. Even harder, I left a career everyone was proud of. 

It was scary.  A year later and it's even scarier. 

This leads me to the now; building a life surrounded by creating, styling, writing, which I plan to share it all.  I am marrying my personal life with my professional life.  It commenced with two big leaps, leaving my job and moving cities, followed by many humbling, tough steps, including starting this blog and starting over with a brand I have always admired and embodied from a distance.  I left a concrete comfort zone and it is exhilarating, terrifying, and fun all at the same time. It hasn't been easy, and at times, difficult to justify to those around me. But it feels true and no one can argue with that, even myself. 

Photo by Jenn Otter

Photo by Tara Wotus

Photo by Jenn Otter

Photo by Jenn Otter

Photo by Tara Wotus

Looking forward to sharing, exploring, learning with you all!

Let's touch the sky.

Cheers, Jessa

pale mess of mine

pale mess of mine